Theresa Smyth
Family and Society Reporter

As the new millennium began, Holly Pierlot was an overwhelmed wife, mother of five small children and homeschooler. Desperately, she yelled at her husband, “I can’t take it anymore!” She not only survived, but found a way to thrive. Applying the wisdom of Christian monasticism to her own vocation, she developed a pattern of life that has worked for her and numerous other mothers. She now spends at least an hour each day in prayer, has healed past emotional and spiritual wounds, has time each evening with her husband, and is raising happier kids. She has less housework, yet a cleaner house and not only homeschools, but reaches out to other moms seeking to transform their burdens into joy.

Holly’s “mother’s rule of life” transcends secular time management systems and scheduling. “A rule of life,” she explains, is “about a conscious organization of my life as a response to the call of God. He wanted me to systematically apply myself, with the vigour of a CEO, to the daily duties of my family life. But, this was also to be done with a certain ‘intent’ – ‘to do all for him, because He asked me, out of love for him …’ This is the heart of a rule – a life consciously lived as a response to his call. And so, while a rule may incorporate a schedule, a rule does not merely focus on time management for its sake alone or for any other reason other than a lived fidelity to God’s request.”

Holly’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life, was published by Sophia Institute Press in 2004. Her interactive website, www.mothersruleoflife.com, is designed to address any issue relating to the vocation of wife and mother. She is a popular speaker at homsechooling conferences and parish marriage and catechetics programs. Holly and her family live on Prince Edward Island. The Interim interviewed her last year and thought her ideas might help families re-organize their lives as the new school year begins.

 The Interim: You quote Chesterton asking, “How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone?” Even in the area of home management, you felt “undertrained.” Why do we devalue motherhood?

Holly Pierlot: Ultimately, original sin is the base cause, isn’t it! We never seem to see God’s intent in things until we grow up and mature a bit.

But, historically, I think radical feminism had a great deal to do with the devaluing of motherhood and home life. You know, there is an old saying that there is a drop of truth in a sea of lies. And, in reality, many women since the Industrial Revolution have known what it means to be left, unnaturally in my opinion, at home alone with the children, while husband went out to work. This fostered societal attitudes that then seemed to place women ‘only in the home’ and refused to recognize the value of the woman’s input and inspiration in society, policy-making, politics and economics.

But in recognizing the real injustices that may have occurred, radical feminism did the pendulum swing. Blaming femininity and motherhood, radical feminism sought equality with men but erroneously confused equality with ‘sameness.’ In the process, she denigrated her own fertility, her marriage, her home and family life. I say it is time to get off the reactionary treadmill and begin to acknowledge the dignity of woman’s ‘whole’ life – attributing to our motherhood and our vocation the time and attention appropriate to its unsurpassed value as a life-work.

TI: Once of the most poignant parts of your book comes when you first discern your requirement for one day off per fortnight, a “mother’s Sabbath.” Your husband, Philip, initially scoffed. You couldn’t be sure at that moment what your readers know, that Philip would come to both support and value this structure. What do you recommend when husbands resist co-operating with their wives’ vocations?

HP: I have a strong melancholic side of me that needs ample quiet and time to reflect. With five small children at that time, it was difficult finding space to think and actually get down into my heart to pray. So, for me in my life, a regular time away to refresh and reflect was essential. My husband’s initial reluctance was understandable, but as I had told him, this wasn’t about ‘want’ but ‘need.’

In most situations of our life together, I have tried to ‘give’ when giving was needed. But when that giving comes at the expense of what I need to maintain the grace to give – well, it was not something I felt I could compromise on.

It is important to remember that the first two P’s of the married vocation – prayer and person (i.e., personal health of body and soul and psyche) – are universal to all persons. Try telling Mother Teresa that she was not permitted to have time to pray each day. It would have removed the power that enabled her to do what she did.

In these circumstances, where a mother absolutely needs to practise certain things for the health of her soul, her mind, her body – the husband has no right to interfere. A woman is a free agent and must remain so if her love is to be a free gift. Nonetheless, in the absence of spousal support to live her vocation, she must try to accomplish it on her own.

TI: You have resolved to maintain simplicity of activities. Now you have had to expand your teaching of your children, into the formation of other women. Likewise, many of our readers are called to balance their family lives with other missions, including pro-life activism. Having established your essentials at home, how do you decide when and whether to add back outside activities?

HP: By virtue of our baptism, we all have a call to Christianize the world and serve the church and society. I think it is most important to realize, we are doing this inherently within our vocations by raising citizens of this world and the next.

First and foremost, the complete fidelity to the 5 Ps (or priorities) of married life – prayer, person, partner, parent and provider – needs to be followed in this hierarchical order. If I am unable to pray, and have no time to chat with a child … If I barely see my husband and I don’t have time to exercise or cook nutritious meals … If home is a pit stop on the way to other more important things … then I am not living my vocation.

A mother has the right to delegate of course … (but) we can’t delegate love, and perhaps many of the divorce and negative family statistics would be eliminated if we realized this.

But we also have additional talents and interests which can be applied to the greater church and society. If we are fulfilling our family duties in the 5 Ps, we may indeed be called by God to a greater involvement. Our action depends upon the following issues: our time, talent and interest; our temperament; our charisms and gifts; and where we see a need in the extended family, church, and society. A thorough reflection on our abilities and person can help us discern if God is calling us to these things.

TI: Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us and God be with you in your vocation.