I had another one of my famous nightmares. I was sound asleep when NDP federal leader Jack Layton appeared on my TV at the end of Toronto’s annual “gay pride” parade recently to announc his latest brainstorm – that he will pressure the federal government into renaming Toronto, “Toronto Sodom City.” The original Sodom had a tragic history connected to it, Layton claimed, which he blamed on “bad press.” (Yeah, right.) The name Sodom, he felt, needed to be rehabilitated.

Jack felt that the time was ripe because Canada was the third country after Holland and Belgium to put same-sex “marriages” on a par with real ones. When he was asked by the media why not Gomorrah, Jack replied that “sodomizing” was easier to mouth than “gomorrahizing.” He said if we didn’t act quickly, some other large cities like Los Angeles or New York, which have larger gay parades than Toronto, might grab this new emerging market.

“If Scarborough can have a street named after Mike Myers – why couldn’t Toronto be named after a city like Sodom that means so much to the gay community.” (Jack, this idea of yours might make us one of the smallest cities in the world.)

Members of the media reminded Layton that the Bible claimed that Sodom and Gomorrah were totally incinerated by God when he rained sulphur and fire on them for their evil ways centuries ago. Only Lot and his two daughters survived. (Lot’s overly curious wife looking back on the carnage was turned to a pillar of salt.)

Jack demurred. Layton thought the story of Sodom and Gomorrah was just an early example of anti-gay propaganda. (Yes, Jack, soon you’ll be saying that Julius Caesar was created by Shakespeare.)

Layton was asked if he was aware of the possible spread of AIDS and a host of other sexual diseases. He replied somewhat cryptically: “AIDS is a dying disease. It is SARS that has hammered Toronto and has hurt us as a tourist attraction. We must come up with some new angle to attract people. We must make Toronto Sodom City – the new Canadian honeymoon capital for lesbians – homosexuals and transvestites tying the knot.” (Send in the clowns? Jack, they’re here already!)

When Layton was asked to comment on the $100,000 given by Ontario Premier Ernie Eves to this year’s gay pride parade and the $50,000 to $100,000 also given by the City of Toronto, he said: “Gays vote. Politicians are smart.” (When I was running for the Liberals in the Toronto riding of Bellwoods, gays sure did vote. People would say that if you find a rooming house with 10 gays – 20 will vote.)

“What do you think the reaction will be from churches with your suggestion that Toronto be renamed “Toronto Sodom City’?”

“They’ll set up another committee.”

“If your unlikely idea came about, would you visualize much change?”

“Not much. Yonge Street would likely be renamed Jean Chretien Street for his successful battle for same-sex ‘marriages.’ Avenue Road would be renamed after Svend Robinson. And there would be an extra big statue honouring former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau in front of the new Toronto City Hall, bearing the inscription: ‘Canada has no business in the bedrooms of the nation.'”

“Jack,” asked a reporter, “did you read that Ernie Eves named an anti-Catholic, homosexual activist lawyer to the Ontario Supreme Court? He gave no indication that he intended to be impartial. Is it time for me to grab my passport and run to the airport?”

“No. I call it progress.”

I was so startled that I woke up. I remember asking a Toronto lawyer who had just been called to the bar 20 years ago of her class of 20, how many she would consider pro-life. She said: “Two and I’m one of them.” Today, some of these lawyers are tired of pandering to judges and long to be judges themselves and be pandered to. They are wind-sniffing to see what party can do it for them. What are the odds of a pro-life lawyer becoming a judge? As much chance as I have of being named to the Order of Canada.

In the meantime let’s get our paddles out and row upstream. And don’t ask Jack Layton for any help.