I got out of the taxi in front of former U.S. vice-president Al Gore’s posh home in Nashville, Tenn. and whom should I find there pulling his oversized suitcase along the sidewalk but a well dressed con man I knew back in Canada! “Joe!” I cried. “What are you doing in the U.S.? The last time I saw you were selling body parts in Ottawa – kidneys, livers, hearts – you even offered me a free hair piece.”
“Yeah and you still need one. I was doing okay. I sold a lot of kidneys but I got out of it. There were too many people in it. I heard Wal-Mart was thinking of going into it.”
“I guess, Joe, you’re sorry you haven’t got any more second-hand British subs to sell.”
“They were real bargains! I sold four of them for $50,000 each. Some Arab in Dubai bought two of them. Maybe he’s drilling for water there. What are you doing here?”
“I’m doing an interview with Gore for The Interim on his global warming campaign. What are you flogging now?”
“I’m selling high-end home computers. Nobody else has got them.”
“Oh?” I said suspiciously.
“I’ve got a home computer that’s so high tech, it’s unbelievable. It sells for $38,000.”
“Who would pay $38,000 for a home computer?”
“After you’ve shut off this computer at night, it will pick you up and carry you into your bedroom and pull down the blankets and put you to bed. For another $2,500, it will kiss you good night.”
“Joe, that’s the most ridiculous con I’ve ever heard of!”
“Oh and you’ve come from Canada to interview Al Gore, the biggest con man in the world! Since Gore lost the presidential election with George W. Bush in 2000, he’s gone from being worth a lousy $3 million to being worth $100 million!”
“How’d Gore do that?”
“Gore flies all over the world pushing climate change junk science in speaking engagements, along with his book and movie An Inconvenient Truth. An inconvenient truth – my butt! An Inconvenient Whopping Lie!”
“A lot of people believe him.”
“There are a lot of fish out there, too.”
“Gore charges $175,000 for speaking engagements!”
“I knew I should’ve taken up public speaking,” I said.
“Gore also had connections with Silicon Valley firms and got stock options from Google and Apple long before they went through the roof. Gore’s been on Apple’s board for the past five years and that’s like being left alone in a bank vault.”
“How does he do it?”
“Connections. Gore’s a buddy of Jeffrey Skoll, the former president of E-Bay, who’s worth over four billion smackers and he’s also the executive producer of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s junk science film that helped him win the Nobel Peace Prize.”
“What’s he up to now?”
“His latest caper is a crock. Dozens of cities in countries all over the world turn their lights off for an hour on March 31 to ‘save the earth,’ which Gore claims is another victim of man. Save a little electricity, but that’s all they achieve. Gore’s got a 20,000-square-foot power-guzzling home and travels by private jet wherever he goes. That’s waste! How can you call me a con man? I’m just a minor leaguer. Gore’s the king of the con men. He’s the best!”
“How does he get away with it?” I asked.
“Friends in high places. But Gore hasn’t sucked in Canada or the U.S. Kyoto is last week’s spaghetti.”
“I didn’t think we were that smart.”
“Gore is in favour of a large CO2 tax and if you were a good little boy, you’d get some of it back. Rumour has it that Gore is thinking of setting up his own carbon tax credit company. If Gore doesn’t end up a trillionaire within 10 years, he should fire the treasurer of the company.”
Suddenly a businesswoman appeared at the entrance of the mansion and called out frantically: “Mr. Frank Kennedy! Senator Gore will see you now. Don’t pay any attention to that con man out there!”
“Frank, you heard her. You’re going to see Senator Gore, but you’re not going to hear anything I told you. You’ve got to make a judgement call. Who’s the con man?”
“Joe, I think you both are – but I never liked a rich con man.”
