A young Catholic advises: ‘Let’s not waste this precious time pining after what we don’t have.’
A place or state of temporary suffering or misery” – this is actually a definition of Purgatory, not of singleness, though more than a few singles may beg to differ.
Why is it that many of us spend our late teens and early 20s completely pre-occupied with finding “the one” we are to marry? There is nothing wrong with thinking of such things and praying for God to send a good spouse. (As a Catholic, I recommend a novena to St. Raphael for this purpose).
However, I believe there is a tendency to let life pass us by while we pine for marriage and fail to appreciate this present status of being single.
Is singleness a state of limbo between childhood and marriage? Most certainly not! In fact, I’m beginning to see it as one of the more important and active times of my life.
Let’s look at the advantages. The young single person generally has few serious responsibilities. Do well in school, work a summer or part-time job, help out around the house. No bills, no mouths to feed, no kids to raise. Life is simple compared to that of a mother and father. Our decisions usually affect only ourselves whereas those of a parent can impact the entire family. I think most of us have no idea what it’s like to bear such burdens and we thus take our easy lives for granted.
This is a time for “doing.” How do I know? Well, if married life is referred to as “settling down,” the logical conclusion is that the single life is a time to “do stuff.” Once married, a spouse cannot say, “Honey, I’m going to do mission work in South Africa. I’ll be back next year.” Outside activities often must be limited after marriage because your spouse and children become your primary vocation. They are infinitely more important for you than the kids in your youth group or the music ministry with which you’re involved. This is not to say ministry cannot be done, but the family does have to come first.
So what should we spend our time “doing”? It is vital, first of all, that we strive to grow closer to God. This can be done by attending extra Masses during the week, going to confession once a month as suggested by the Holy Father, reading Sacred Scripture and spending time in daily prayer. I have found three practices particularly helpful in my spiritual growth, besides Mass and confession.
The first is our parish priest who is my spiritual director. By following his recommendations, my journey towards God has taken off.
Next is daily meditation. For exactly 10 minutes each day (yes, I set a timer), I sit down in a quiet place, turn my thoughts to God and focus on a very short reading from a book such asThe Imitation of Christ. Those 10 minutes are completely devoted to God – thinking about Him, speaking to Him and letting Him speak to me through the passage I’ve read.
Another important influence in my life is the amount of reading I do – from Catholic novels, to various catechisms to apologetics. I love reading and have gained a better understanding of what I believe as a Catholic and why I believe it.
What else can we do? Now is a great time to prepare practically and socially for marriage, if that be your vocation. Learn how to cook meals fancier than Kraft Dinner – that goes for guys and girls. Learn how to do laundry; make sure to ask for a lesson on sorting colours if you have never done it before. Practise budgeting with the money you have now. In short, master important life skills.
As to the social, it is said that a man will treat his wife the way he treats his mother. If this is true, then I suspect it works the same way for daughters and fathers. So, do we show our parents great respect? Do we listen to them attentively when they speak to us or continue with what we’re doing and partially ignore them? Do we complain about them to our friends? Do we even greet them when they walk in the door? Do we practise charity, willingly doing what they ask of us?
Marriage is about love and major self-sacrifice. It means making dinner when you know your spouse is more exhausted than you. It means getting up with a sick child at 4 a.m. because your wife or husband needs to sleep more than you do. It is not so much about taking turns doing the chores as it is about both people giving completely and constantly of themselves without thinking, “He owes me one now!”
We singles cannot think we will instantly turn into loving, respectful, giving people the moment we say our vows. Yes, one receives graces in marriage, but overall it’s a slow transformation that is best started long before the wedding.
Last on the list of “things to do”: get involved in ministry. Find a place to volunteer. Join a youth group if possible; maybe become a leader. Go to youth-young adult conferences. I know two young women who started publishing newsletters for the youth in their area; this is an excellent way to minister. Personally, I attend a weekly Bible study where I lead the praise and worship. I also volunteer for Meals on Wheels and am involved in the Cursillo movement. Just remember that once you’re married, your spouse and children become your prime mission field.
