I hate to say I told you so. But my goodness, I told you so. Not just me, of course. Everyone who believes in family, marriage and unchanging morality. All those people, in fact, who have been routinely chastised by the trendy powers that be and their fellow travellers.
I refer to a report from Statistics Canada that concludes that people who live together before marriage are twice as likely to separate than those who postpone cohabitation until after their wedding day. The report also found that people who live together before marriage are more likely to separate in future relationships.
All in all, a pretty damning analysis of what has for years now been promoted as normal, healthy and advisable. We could go further. Young people who insist on marriage before living together have often been depicted in movies and media as old-fashioned and slightly odd. Try telling that to the kids watching mum and dad’s lawyers spit hatred in the divorce court.
There is another aspect to all this, being the issue of sex before marriage. It is plain common sense that those who live together before marriage are, naturally, having sex before marriage. It is also pretty obvious that those who are not living together are much more likely to refrain from the same.
The report does not explore this area, but all of the surveys that have been conducted reveal a staggering difference between couples who do and don’t wait. In short, men and women who wait until their honeymoon for a sexual relationship are much more likely to stay together for life.
Which runs contrary to all the conventional wisdom on the subject. Actually the idea that sexual familiarity is necessary before the wedding day for a marriage to be happy is one of the great myths of the age. There are in reality hardly any people who find themselves incompatible on their honeymoon. Goodness me, there should be such emotional and spiritual bonding through the courtship that the mere act of sexual love – one of the most natural encounters known to us – should be simple. And entirely wonderful.
Of course, what people often mean by sexual experience is for one or both partners, usually the man, to have had previous affairs. Even been promiscuous. Why? Presumably so they can judge someone who is supposed to be their partner for life and give them some sort of scorecard. The idea is gruesome. Not so the case with two young, beautiful people exploring each other within the context of love and commitment and giving each other sexual pleasure.
Yet even at school young people are told that whilst celibacy is an option, it’s not really a viable choice. Better latex than love, and whatever you do be careful. Sexually transmitted diseases and so-called unwanted babies can be avoided if you take precautions. Which means chemicals and devices instead of self-control and, important this, self-dignity.
With hormones acting out the battle of Stalingrad, the last things a teenager needs to be hear is that surrender to impulse is the best solution. This, however, is what they do hear. Meaning that the idea of living apart until marriage or, horror, not having sex with a partner until after the wedding day, is almost impossible to grasp just a few years later.
Leading to much higher rates of divorce and subsequent pain, cost and division. Hey don’t blame me, I’m just telling you what good old Statscan have said.
We could also throw in a few more factors. Such as that people who pray together have a far lower rate of divorce. That couples who sacrifice so as to have one parent at home with the children have a far lower divorce rate. That people who home-school have a divorce rate that is almost non-existent. Sorry, just reporting the facts.
Which is not to condemn or judge people who do choose the more fashionable and, frankly, often tempting route. It is just to say that our grandparents probably knew a little more about life and its gritty, and glorious, realities than a bunch of sexologists and movie producers. Not surprising when we think about it. If we dare to think about it.