With a federal election just around the corner, Canada’s political parties are busy churning out new slogans. If past elections are any indication, we’ll soon be called to “Make Our Voice Heard” “For A Positive Future” since now is “A Time For Change.” While the slogans will all be different, you can be sure they’ll all be similarly meaningless. But what if parties had to say what they were thinking? What if they had to be blunt and truthful; what would their slogans look like then? We submit to you that they might look a lot like the ones included below:

Proudly aborting the next generation of voters

Under New Management!!! Serving the same old menu

For Lent, we gave up our principles

More free votes in Parliament …when our leader says we may

Now 100 per cent Jean Chrétien-free

We’re against gay marriage … for now

Two parties – one leader – no abortion policy

Fiscally? Conservative! Morally? Bankrupt!

CHRISTIANS WELCOME … at the back of the bus

We’re the lesser of two evils!

Criminalizing Christianity one step at a time

We spell “Compassion” M-O-N-E-Y

The 10th Commandment was meant for rich people

More government is always the answer

If we can’t elevate the poor, we’ll beat down the rich

Vote for the devil you know, a devil you don’t know … or vote CHP

Millions of Christians in one country. Just imagine …

God owns your vote. Invest it wisely

They’re butchers or bystanders. We’re pro-life. What are you?

Pragmatism be damned! Vote your conscience this time!*

* Just as God’s name can be used both properly and in vain, so too other words, commonly abused, can have a proper usage. For those who might be offended by the inclusion of one of the words in this slogan, consider for a moment whether its use might be proper. This is not casual cursing – this sentence says exactly what it means to say.