I am the Child.
You hold in your hand my destiny.
You determine, largely, whether I shall succeed or fail.
Give me, I pray you, those things that make for happiness.
Train me, I beg you, that I may be a blessing to the world.
Excerpted from The Child’s Appeal, by Mamie Gene Cole
Sister Margaret Laffey
Special to The Interim
Every day, counselor at Rosalie Hall help their young clients face the most difficult decision of their lives; whether or not to place their babies for adoption. This is the story of two of these such mothers.
“I felt numb,” recalls Robin, about the day she signed the papers authorizing the adoption of her son. “Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. It was almost as if time had slowed down to give me another chance to change my mind.” Robin had been so sure of her decision until that moment. “It took me a long time to make the decision and all of a sudden, I was really frightened about what I was doing,” the 18-year-old recalls. And not without reason: many teenage birth mother’s experience this sense of panic as the adoption process unfolds.
Robin didn’t change her mind. She followed the path she had chosen and today, several months later, she is at peace with her decision. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him” says Robin. “But I know what I did was right. Sometimes when it gets very difficult, I sit down and write him a letter. I’ve got a file folder that’s already full of letters and pictures. Maybe some day he will read the letters and get to know his birth parents and grandparents through the pictures. At least he’ll know how very much I love him.”
As Mother’s Day approaches, Robin says she is going through a bit of a “rough patch.” “In my heart I’ll be celebrating like every mother. Even though I’m feeling some sadness, I take comfort in the fact that he is in a good home, with loving parents.”
Anna, another of Rosalie Hall’s young mothers, took a different path. At the age of 17, she was pregnant, homeless and desperate when she first walked through the doors of Rosalie Hall.
“I knew I didn’t want an abortion,” recalls Anna. “My plan was to have the baby and let her be adopted. But, as my pregnancy went along, I realized I couldn’t do it.”
Ironically, for Anna, the decision to keep the baby gave her a completely new focus in life. In fact, it changed her from a very troubled teenager to a well balanced, sensible young woman with a new goal and remarkable determination.
Like most teenage mothers-to-be, Anna had no idea how she would care for herself and her baby. And, like many young women who turn to Rosalie Hall for help, she was delighted to learn that she could live at the residence during her pregnancy and, if she wanted to, she could continue her education at the in-house school. Even after the baby was born, she had the option of staying at the school while Rosalie Hall daycare staff cared for her baby.
“They really encouraged me, “says Anna. “They counseled me to look at my options so that I was able to make sensible decisions and they supported every decision I made. Without the school and daycare programs I might never have finished high school.”
Anna, who had dropped out of high school some time before, became an excellent student, achieving high enough marks to win one of Rosalie Hall’s scholarships. “Without the scholarship, I wouldn’t have been able to pay for nursing school, said Anna, who will graduate this June as a registered nurse.
Looking back on her stay at Rosalie Hall, Anna says: “The counseling was critical for me, before and after my baby was born. Things were really rough at first. I was really grateful for all the help I received. I wish every young woman could be so fortunate. I want to tell every young mother who wants to keep her child and become a contributing member of society that it is hard—but it can be done!”
Whatever option a young mother chooses, following through with the decision requires strength and determination beyond anything she has ever experienced. For a single mother, the avalanche of emotions that follows the baby’s birth is overpowering. That’s what makes the services of Rosalie Hall so vitally important to these young mothers.
Because we know that the choices these young women make today will impact them for the rest of their lives, we are determined to ensure that their decisions are based on fact, not fear. We carefully present all the options, without attempting to influence their decisions in any way.
When a young mother chooses adoption, we support her during and after the procedure. When a new mother chooses to keep her baby, we support her choice by helping her make concrete plans for the future. Many of these young women have already been rejected by their families and the fathers of their babies. Our goal is to ensure that they are not rejected by society as well and that they have every opportunity to rejoin their communities with respect, dignity and purpose.
To achieve this end we offer a wide range of services, to those who reside in our facility as well as those who live in the community. These services include: individual counseling, prenatal classes, labour coaching, adoption planning, an accredited onsite secondary school, daycare services for mothers who are attending the school, parenting, life skills training and recreational programs.
Every day, 25 young mothers-to-be are sheltered in our residence. More than 50 mothers and expectant mothers attend our in-house school program. Thirty babies receive care in our daycare program. In the past 15 years, these programs have enabled hundreds of young mothers to be self-sufficient, productive members of our society. But the number of women and babies on our waiting list consistently numbers between 40 and 50. Without suitable help, these young mothers could slip into a vicious cycle of poverty and dependence that could continue for generations to come. That’s why we are presently expending and renovating our facilities.
The expansion will enable us to enroll 20 more students in the education program and will more than double the capacity of the daycare. For those young women who are waiting and hoping to have a chance to work toward a better future, the expansion of Rosalie Hall is our main focus, we are also committed to encouraging young people to postpone parenthood. For this reason, we have established a school-based program that works in co-operation with secondary schools. We know that youngsters with career goals and a life plan are far less likely to become parents at a very early age. Through this school outreach program we are actively encouraging teens to continue their education, develop employment/career goals and their self esteem.
According to Anna Aitchison who is in charge of the program, “It’s not possible to accurately measure the impact of such a program. But I can tell you from experience that the type of role playing we encourage does foster a heightened awareness among young people. It’s like a reality check and the realities of parenthood are not very appealing to most of them. I believe that by getting a young person to really think about the consequences of their actions we are having a significant impact on their future behaviour.”
Throughout our long history of caring for young mothers and counseling young people throughout the community, we have depended on the support of dedicated Christian friends. And there has not been a time in our history when their support was as critical as it is today!
That is why we are seeking your help and support to expand our facility and our services. Please, celebrate this Mother’s Day by helping to ensure that we are able to respond to the needs of our young mothers and the young people of our community. (Sister Margaret Laffey is the Executive Director of Rosalie Hall)
