Light is Right Joe Campbell
From time to time, federal politicians fantasize about inviting the Turks and Caicos Islands to join Canada. I don’t share that dream. I fantasize about inviting Canada to join the Turks and Caicos Islands.
If all we want is to hang out in the Caribbean without going through customs, it doesn’t much matter who annexes whom. But I want more than that. I want a chance for Canada to start over. It’s not often that a country has a chance to start over. This time we might get it right.
Turks and Caicos Islanders pay no income tax. This is why travel writers call the country a tropical paradise. For the life of me, I can’t understand why the 30,000 inhabitants might want to join us and surrender up to 40 percent of their annual income. Far better that our 35 million inhabitants join them and live income tax free.
They are where we were in 1917, before Prime Minister Robert Borden introduced the dreaded tax as a temporary measure to help pay for World War I. Our battle with the Kaiser turned out to be temporary enough, but our struggle with the income tax department rages on and there is no sign of a truce, let alone a lasting peace.
The official currency of these sun-drenched islands is the American dollar. For years, our economists have dithered about whether we should adopt this leading currency. Well, if the Turks and Caicos Islands adopted us, we’d have it without further ado, business with our chief trading partner would improve, and coin collectors would annex the loonie.
Another compelling reason to exchange our sovereignty for white sandy beaches and crystal-turquoise waters is that we would be taken over by a country friendly toward imperial weights and measures. A return to pounds, miles and Fahrenheit thermometers should further endear us to Americans, not to mention the many Canadians who can’t seem to master grams, kilometers and Celsius degrees.
The Islanders speak a single official language, English. Imagine the delight of foreign producers if they no longer had to say everything twice on packages of goods they exported to us. Imagine the savings that would accrue from the demise of official bilingualism, which costs some 2.4 billion dollars annually and discriminates against scores of aboriginal and immigrant languages.
The economy of the Turks and Caicos Islands, including tourism, offshore banking and fishing, should fit nicely with Canada’s. So should the underground economy, including the illegal transport of drugs. It is reassuring to know that their smugglers are compatible with ours.
Because of a persistently low fertility rate – about 1.7 children for each woman – we Canadians are failing to reproduce ourselves. As a result, demographers fear that we may reach the point where we can’t adequately support our elderly. These worries will cease if we become part of the Turks and Caicos Islands. Their fertility rate – about 3.2 children per woman – could give us another baby boom and promote a return to sensible immigration policies.
Motorists in this retirement haven drive on the left side of the road. Although most motorists in Canada drive on the right side, a mutually acceptable compromise should be possible. Perhaps we could all agree to drive down the middle.
As yet, there is no equally sensible way of resolving differences in weather. Islanders bake year round; we freeze in winter. Until technological advances allow us to split the difference, they’ll have to come here to escape the heat. We enjoy fewer hurricanes than they do. Perhaps, in the interests of fairness, they could show us how to generate some.
You want to get rid of the Senate? The Islanders don’t have one. The government they do have –executive, legislative judicial, and bureaucratic – is a tiny fraction the size of ours. That’s why they don’t need an income tax. The Supreme Court is supreme in name only. Its rulings may be appealed to the Privy Council in London, which years ago saved our Supreme Court from the embarrassment of establishing that women are not persons.
The Turks and Caicos Islands are a British crown colony. If they annexed us, we would regain our coveted colonial status. I say coveted because it would give us another chance to forge an independent nation. Only this time we might learn from the mistakes we made when we tried it before.
If we could begin again, would we let politicians impose a constitution on us without a referendum? Would we really choose to be ruled by unaccountable judges, who, after all, are only lawyers in drag? Maybe we would. But this time it would be an informed choice.
