Picture this: a young single person on the look-out for a significant other. Now imagine this: a young Christian person on the look-out for a significant other. Two very different realities.
Rob Eagar, author of the Power of Passion: Applying the Love of Christ to Dating Relationships (Grace Press Publishing, $12.95 U.S.), and Joshua Harris, author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye (to be re-released later this year by Multnomah Publishers, $21.50) are two young Christian men who felt called to address this often conflicting reality of Christians dating in the ever-more-secular world.
Eagar has dedicated himself full-time to speaking and writing about applying the love of Christ to relationships. His work is based on his interpretation of Scripture and personal experience of dating, marriage, divorce and re-marriage.
The Power of Passion is written in a manner such that it is a tool for singles in the dating scene. The structure of the book is helpful and easy to follow, each chapter beginning with a personal experience or case study.
Each fragment is dissected for its erroneous practices, and then based on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, Eagar offers suggestions of what a healthy Christian relationship would be comprised of and how the individuals should think, feel, and act. Each chapter concludes with a list of Bible passages for personal reflection, and finally, a list of questions that might be used for group discussion.
The entire premise of The Power of Passion is that as Christians, each and every one of us is already married, despite our current marital status. Married to Jesus Christ, that is.
According to Eagar, this spiritual marriage is perfect (from the perspective of Christ, at least) and consequently we are complete; as a result of this relationship with Christ there should be no void, spiritual or emotional. The element of desperation for fear of loneliness is removed and, as Christians, dating can occur in a mature and responsible fashion.
Although very enthusiastic in his faith, Eagar sometimes communicates contradictory theological messages, especially about sin, our condition as sinners and forgiveness. Notwithstanding that, the text asks some very valid questions – questions that a person mature in her faith should consider and reflect on as a basis for healthy Christian relationships, be they with family, friends, strangers or that special someone.
Harris is also a Christian speaker, who addresses young people about the challenges Christians are faced with when they begin dating. Like Eagar, Harris draws on his personal experience as a young man in search of his life partner. Harris takes it a step farther in order to discuss how dating becomes an obstacle in that quest.
In an attempt to explain his viewpoint, Harris explains how he felt repressed by the superficiality of dating when it was an end in itself. He contends that God created dating for the purpose of marriage; hence, if an individual is not contemplating marriage, why date?
His argument is focused around the fact that God has a special person for all of us, but when dating without intending to marry, you could be forfeiting the opportunity to meet your own future spouse by being in a committed relationship that will not end in marriage. Therefore he discourages prolonging a relationship if you are with a person whom you could never see yourself marrying. As a consequence of these ideas, Harris kissed dating goodbye, and encourages all who are not seriously contemplating marriage to desist from dating for the time being.
Harris makes an important distinction between dating and going out with friends. If you are interested in someone, and think that person may be the one, he recommends going out in a group. In this way you can get to know the individual better, as well as his likes and dislikes, and also how the person interacts with others. In a group, people are less inhibited and more often than not, their authentic self will be displayed.
For those who are dating, though, Harris offers a lot of helpful advice on how to form a healthy Christian relationship – a relationship that does not exclude other family and friends, a relationship that is not focused on physical intimacy, but on mutual respect, friendship and affection, and above all, recognizing the importance of faith being central to the relationship.
In a society where the media romanticize all relationships, it can sometimes be frustrating to learn that the bed of roses has thorns. Dating is work, as is any relationship. Christian singles have the added pressure of finding a mate who has the same values and beliefs, and who is willing to give unconditionally. As Mother Teresa once said, love hurts. Sometimes it is a bittersweet reality, with highs and lows, but most would argue that the rewards far outweigh the alternative.
It is refreshing that Christian authors are writing books that are a beacon of light in the darkness of secular dating. Harris offers a youthful perspective, a hopeful perspective. Eagar’s perspective is more cautious, perhaps even cynical, from one who has hit rock bottom and knows that it is possible to sink that low again should he release his hold on Jesus Christ.
