My darling baby: It is hard to believe that this month we have reached the half-way point, 20 weeks. I reach this milestone with an overwhelming sense of excitement and fear. I am so excited that you will soon be with us. That we can touch you, look at you, fall even more in love with you and learn who you are as a person.
Emotionally your dad, your brothers and I are so ready for you. However, it is the practicalities that fill me with fear. What is to be your bedroom is now my office, filled with books, papers and files. How are we going to get it all cleaned out and where will we put everything? What about painting the room? And what colour? Your brothers can’t wait for us to get started on preparing your room – they ask continuously when we can get it cleaned out and ready for you. Every time I attempt to tackle the room, I open the door, shudder and walk away. I try to convince myself that I have a lot of time before I have to deal with it, yet I know the time is almost here.
What about all of the other things that we have to get done? Finding and purchasing a larger vehicle, baby proofing the house, finding drop-in centres to go to when Michael, you and I are home together? So many things – how will we get it all done? Even thinking about it fills me with anxiety.
What if we are ready for the thought of you but not the reality of you? Then, when I look down at our quickly expanding home, I think does it all matter? No. All that matters is your arrival. So what if your room isn’t ready and you have to sleep somewhere else for a while? We can all squish into our car. Baby proofing can wait until you show us it is necessary. Drop-in centres will be found.
What does matter is you and us as a family. Your dad and I were open and excited to welcome you into our lives. We are honoured by the fact that we were given the opportunity to help give you life and provide for you a family to grow up in. That is what matters. Not all the things that have to be done, but all of the loving, growing and learning that is going to take place. You are a gift, a treasure, being given to us. We took on the responsibility of caring and providing for you at the moment of conception. Before we knew you were with us, you were our responsibility. And once it was confirmed you were with us, we knew we were responsible for another human being.
My darling baby, you are due to arrive in three-and-a-half short months. Your room may not be painted, and the car may be a bit cramped, but we will be ready for you. You will determine when it is time for you to come. Know you are always welcome and, in the important ways, we are ready.
May you continue to grow in peace.Love,