Today’s XOJane deception is brought to you by a young woman named Amanda Blum. While working with her in the family garage one day, Blum’s father admitted that he never wanted children. “There was no emotion in his voice about it.” Blum remembered. “It was said with the same emphasis one might use while mentioning what they ate for breakfast.”
From a young age, Blum herself knew that she did not want kids. Though she commended her father’s “amazing effort” in raising his two kids and rising above the abuse of his own parents, she implied that this was not always the case. “I do things my father doesn’t — I force myself to deal with my issues.”
It seems Blum’s father has influenced her more than she would like to admit. She wrote of a deep need to be valued by other men in her life as a substitute for her father’s shortcomings. There were also fears of forming stable relationships and becoming a negative influence on her friends’ kids. Blum appreciated the work her friends do and the “good people they are helping raise for our world.” Most of all, she praised those “who’ve been brave enough to tell themselves, ‘I don’t want children,’ and stick to it. We do not celebrate them enough.”
There is so much I need to say in response. As someone who knows the pain of an absent father, my heart aches for Ms. Blum. Single mothers are brave, selfless, and sacrificial. I do not want to tear them down in any way. Even so, I firmly believe that the best possible situation is to have the constant presence and influence of both parents in a stable home life. My father’s failings continue to affect me, and Blum is no different. Despite claims to the contrary, I am sure she wouldn’t have done “that thing where you stare really hard at a wall so you don’t cry” before resuming her task in the garage that day, if she truly empathized with her dad.
A common canard of the pro-choice crowd is that we pro-life advocates are “pro-forced birth.” Of course childbirth in and of itself should not be mandatory. Those who really don’t want children probably should not have them. We take issue, though, with the idea that ending the life of an immature, hidden human being through abortion is equivalent to that child’s nonexistence. In other words, it is the same as “not having” that child. We want to encourage selflessness for both mothers and fathers, so that they can give their children life in the midst of difficult or undesirable circumstances.
Finally, if Ms. Bloom wishes to celebrate people who willingly remain childless, what would she say about the so-called “men” described here and here? Hopefully, we would be of the same mind when it comes to boys, who say they do not want kids but cannot “stick to” their words. As Jonathon Van Maren says, young men need to know that they have reproductive organs instead of recreational ones. Such behaviour cannot be tolerated, let alone celebrated, if there is any hope of redeeming our society.
